Four more days. That is all I the time I have left with Crystal, before she moves to New York. Lately I have noticed that something has changed, I really can't put my finger on it, but I can tell something is different. I sent Crystal an email telling her that I could tell something has changed. I don't know if I should have sent that or not. Oh well, its not like I can take it back. Something that really concerned me was this...

"Your mate needs to talk, and your best possible response is to listen enthusiastically. When your mate opens his or her heart to you, you'll be of more help if you stay balanced and try to see things from your mate's point of view. Don't rush in and solve everything or be too quick to propose a solution. Be supportive, but let your mate try to work it out. In other areas, you may need to seek financial advice. People are attracted to your warmth this week. You spend freely, and sweep potential mates off their feet. You're all heart, which means that you may not have enough backbone when your new partner starts making demands. If you'll summon your assertiveness and stop spending, the people who are interested only in material benefits will disappear, and everything will work out the way it should."

This is a horoscope, that I read earlier this morning. I usually don't read these things, but this kind of hit home. From it saying that my "mate" needs to talk, and to be a good listening and what not. Then it goes on to talk about my "potential mates." I don't want potential mates, I want Crystal. I really hope what I am thinking right now doesn't end up happening. If it does, then there really isn't much I can do. Sometimes, I wonder why she even started to date me. She is in a completely different ballpark, hell a different league, a different game all together. She is like NFL, and I am like Putt-Putt Mini Golf. I can't compete, even if my life depended on it. If she decides to have a relationship with me, I would probably only bring her down and hold her back. She has so much going for her, and she really doesn't need some fucking loser like myself to keep her down.
..::sigh::..
Maybe I'll write some more later.

It it about 4:30pm on a Thursday. I'm sitting here at work, being bored so I thought I would write in here. Not a lot has happened sence the last time I wrote in here. I got another tattoo on my left arm, which is about 3 times bigger than the one on my right arm. I love it! My schedule changed to 1-10pm, which is nice. I am getting off a little earlier, and in a few weeks it changes to 11-8, with fridays and saturdays off which is really nice. Crystal only has a few more weeks here, until she leaves for school. That really sucks, because the reality of it is finally sinking in. Especially now that she has taken the test to get into grad school, and she aced it. So, there is a very very very good chance she is going to go to Yale after she graduates. That is another 4 years of school. She really doesn't need a boyfriend, especially me, holding her back. What really sucks, is that I really love her. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. Someone I could spend a lot of time with. I just don't think it will happen. I am not sure whats going to happen when she leaves. I have been trying not to think about it, but the time is coming close where I *have* to think about it. I am going to miss her so much. Ahhh why must life suck? It is truely a roller coaster, with many ups and downs that you can't control. When you are making your way back up, you almost get to the top and then you don't see any more tracks to climb, all you can see is the horizan, then you fall back down. Well, I think I am starting to see the horizan. I've just got a feeling that things are going to start going down hill soon. Although I could be wrong, I am most of the time :) I wish I had a way I could explain, or show Crystal how much I love her and how much she means to me. Sometimes, I get the feeling that she doesn't think I really care for her. I have always had a way to describe my feelings, and emotions. I can't do that with her, I've tried and I can't do it. There is something completely different between us. I know this is what people feel when they truely love someone, because there is nothing better in the world than this. She is... wow. That is all I can say, wow. I love her, so much.
..::More to Come::..

It is about 15 till 10:00pm, Friday night. I am at work right now... sucks that I am at work, but its money and its easy. I would much rather be out with Crystal, since she is leaving next month but I can't really just "leave" work. I really can't just "leave" work, and expect to have a job when I came back ;-) I also have to work Saturday 3pm-Midnight too. I think Crystal is going to stay with me Saturday night and Sunday we're going to spend the day together. Its going to be awesome. One thing I need to do tomorrow before I go to work is get my hair cut. I am starting to look fucking shaggy! Next week, when I get paid, I'm going to get another tattoo on my left arm. If you've ever seen the movie From Dusk Till Dawn, its the tattoo Seth Gecko has on his left arm. I'm not going to bring it down past my elbow though. I think that is one of the coolest tribal tattoo's I've ever seen. Next to the one I have on my right arm :)
I can't wait until I get to see Crystal. I miss her so much... God you don't know how hard it is going to be for me when she leaves at the end of the month. Like right now, I'm kinda in denial. I don't want to realize that she is going to be leaving at the end of the month. There isn't anything I can do about it, but its still sad nonetheless. I love this girl so much, and its going to suck when I can't see her until May of next year. Thats a long fucking time. But, thats the rub... I meet someone who I am very compatible with, someone that completely blows my mind, and I can't get enough of... and she has to leave two months later. Isn't that a bitch? Oh well, I am going to go now... I get to see Crystal on Sunday, so that will make this shitty weekend worth while.

Not much has happened really, since the last time I wrote in this. Let me think, my schedule changed at work. I now work 3-Midnight, Tuesday through Saturday. Its pretty shitty hours, but I didn't have much of a choice. Its alright though, I'll make a few dollars more an hour. I finally got a pay check!! Its so nice having money, I got some bills paid took Crystal out to a very nice dinner, went out drinking saturday nigh and fucking druuuuuunk. I don't remember half of the night Earlier that day I got a tattoo. It is this bad ass tribal design, I love it! One of my buddies did it for me, and only charged 100 dollars. It took him almost three hours to do, its pretty big. I'm am going to get another one, tattoo's are so awesome. Last night, I was thinking about all the types of tattoos I can get. I want to get all tribal tattoo's... I think that would be cool. Or have tribal stuff in each tattoo. Now I need to get a bunch of sleeveless shirts to show it off :-) That is pretty much everything that has happened so far... Time for me to go now.