When I was younger, about 16. I lost someone really close to me, see I've never had a brother. What I did have was a cousin, that was like my brother. He was three years younger than me, and he pretty much lived with my family. My entire childhood, everything I can remember growing up he was there with me. Well, I'm not going to keep explaining, because I will start to cry and I don't want that right now, not while I'm at work. The reason I even brought him up, was that the way I delt with the lose. I would write stories, short stories that usually centered around me. I would make up different lives, that I would want to live. This helped me to deal with my emotions, because for some reason I can't talk to people about my feelings, and emotions. I think one reason why I don't, is that I have in the past and people have used them against me. Nine times out of ten, the people I shared my feelings and emotions with used them in maliciously, for the sole reason of hurting me. That is probably why, as a self defense thing. Anyways, I think I need to start writing again because I'm not happy. I am going to go home tonight, write a story, and go to bed. Actually, I think I am going to spend some time with my family. I love my parents a lot, they are the best.... but I am hardly ever home. I just thought of something else, tonight I am not going to write a story but I am going to go to this place where I used to sit and think... after I lost my cousin. It is probably the best spot in the city, no one around to mess with you, no noise, and all you can see is the city. It is very peaceful. Sometimes, its good just to get away from people. I am just going to go up there, turn off the cell phone and relax.

Ok, its been a few weeks. Lets see what all has happened. I have worked a shit load of over time, and that is really about it. Oh yeah, I am dating a co-worker now too. This is the coolest thing that has happened lately. Her name is Crystal, she's 22, about as tall as I am, shoulder length hair, I love her personality, we get a long really well too which is good. I really like her a lot. When I was in highschool, I had a chance to date a black girl but she moved before we started dating. I always thought that was my one chance, because how many hot black women would want a white guy who is mostly a computer nerd? Not many... so I thought I missed my chance. Well, a few months ago we hired a handfuil of new people, one was Crystal. When I saw her I was thinking "Damn... we hired a fine black woman" After closer inspection, I noticed a big ring on her finger and I heard her talking about some guy. I just assumed that she was married or something, and just left it at that. We started talking, and ended up talking all the time at work. Then one day, it was like we where dating. I know I have said this before, and it is so true. When you are not looking for a relationship, the best ones just drop into your lap. So, now everyone is up to speed ;-) Crystal and I have been seeing a lot of each other lately, which is good. We went out this weekend on a date, but it didn't go quite as planned. I still had a good time though. When ever I am around here, I have so much fun. She is so funny! She also got to meet my mom, and my mom likes her. One thing I know I have to do though, is not let things at work change *too* much. Thats when you start to have problems. Because when you are dating someone, usually you see/talk to that person when you are not at work. So, that gives you enough time away from that person so you don't get tired of being around them. I really do not want this to happen, so that is why we can't let things at work change too much. I don't think they we though. I've done the dating-a-coworker thing, and it didn't work out before. I think that it didn't work out because she was really immature and let rumors and the bullshit people told her get to her head. Its sad that your co-workers act like that, but its just like highschool. Like when a few co-workers found out about Crystal and I... they where like "damn dog! why didn't you tell me.. i found out from someone else" Its all good though... these coworkers are cooler than the old ones. Another thing about Crystal... she came up to work yesterday to see me. I was telling her how I wanted to get WindowsXP but I didn't get off work in time to go and buy it. So she went and got it for me while I was at work. She is so nice

Well, I don't feel like writing much... so here are some cool links you should check out

http://www.ehowa.com/tshirts - Funny
http://www.cheapbabies.com - You can buy a slightly used baby here ;-)
http://www.humanshell.com/clips/triumph.wmv - This is the funniest fucking thing I have ever seen!
http://www.manbeef.com - Now you can buy that 16oz Human Steak!
http://cartalk.cars.com/About/Gay-Lesbian/nominations.html
http://www.newyork.com/vny/panorama/tour3a.html - A 3D tour of the upper decks to the WTC. This is worth looking at.
http://www.madblast.com/oska/humor_warnings.swf - Funny shit
http://www.highbastard.com/homegard/winterbong.html - This is for all of you MacGuiver-Smokers
http://www.greentreestudio.net/osama.html - Osama Bin Ladin shooting gallery ;-)
http://linux0wnsyou.com/wtc/laden.swf - Mastercard spoof... funny

I'm going to try and think of some more links

The last 3 days or so, I have put shit up here and taken it off after I changed my mind just because I didn't really mean the shit I said. Even though I kind of want to leave it up here, I'm not that kind of person and I really don't believe in burning bridges...
Crystal - I don't care if you are better than me, in every way possible. I don't care what you think of me either, if you think I am a "dimwitted ex-boyfriend with the intelligence of a McDonalds fry cook," that's cool. You can go a head and pick this a part and find every grammatical error you can, and I hope you find a shit load. So you can think what ever the hell you want about me, and laugh as much as you possibly can with your friends who also probably think they are better than me because they go to a good college.. Also, you have been gone for a long time. I am not doing tech support anymore, I did get a promotion, and I am a Network Engineer now. There really isn't much more to say. You where really cool, and you have to admit you did have fun when you hung out with me. If you don't think you are too good to hang out with a person who has the intelligence of a McDonalds fry cook, then when you are back in KC you should check out my new house.
In other news, I think I have found a good minivan for my Mom. She has an old Voyager right now that is falling a part, so the last month or so I have been looking for a new van for her. I saw this 1998 Grand Voyager that would be perfect. I am going to see if my Dad or my Grandpa will go in half with me. I would like to get and give it to her before November, but it will probably end up as a Christmas present. I don't have to worry about it getting sold, I know the guy who is selling it. It has been a really long time since I've done something nice for my Mom too. I can wait to see the look on her face when she sees it.
Yesterday, I helped one of my old co-workers from Sprint move into a new house he just got. Its huge!!! ...but WAAAAY the fuck out in Lee's Summit. Almost 45 minutes from my house! I did get a good idea from him -- His new house has this bad ass fireplace, and it doesn't have a huge chimney.. just a little box that hangs off the side of his house and a little hole for the vent. Well, I could get a fireplace like that on my house... and I know it wont cost me more than 500. How bad ass would that be, to have a remote gas fireplace. Just hit a button, and the lights dim... the fireplace comes on... some good music comes on the radio... and the Chinese Sex swing lowers from the ceiling. Ahhhh... it would be awesome! I would like to build another computer.. just a cheap one to be a server to control all the X10 remote shit. My buddy said he would see a K6-2 500Mhz with motherboard, and 256mb ram to me for 100 dollars. I could throw a small 6 or 10 gig harddrive in it, a cheap video card, and some other cheap shit... build it for about 200 dollars and have a bad ass box to run the remotes. That way, I could also set it up as a server and I could control everything that is wired to a remote.... remotely ;-) So, I could, for the sake of of conversation, go and visit Crystal in NY, and turn off the lights in the kitchen, turn on the lights in the front room, and turn the fireplace on. Isn't technology awesome?! Well, its only 11:15am... and I still have until 7pm before I get off so I will probably end up writing more before the end of the day if I don't want too many movies at work.

Its really funny how you can see someone's true colors, once your not with them. Take for instance Crystal. I was just sitting here at work, thinking about her and was wondering how she is doing. She also has a website like this, so I went to see if she had anything new in it when I found this..

"The "I hate Crystal" webpage appears to have a new focus -- now he's dwelling on an entirely different ex girlfriend. I don't know what is more pathetic -- the fact that he has a webpage entirely dedicated to bitching about all the women that have ever dumped him or that I actually convinced myself to date a man who has the intelligence of a McDonald's fry cook. At any rate, he has moved on and I am extremely happy about that. "

I would like to address this. I never once said that I hated Crystal. I actually thought she was a very cool person, who I would have liked to keep a friendship with. Also, just because I put my real feelings on here doesn't mean I am dwelling. I don't share feelings with very many people, and this is an easy place for me to talk about things. The main reason is because there is no one to pop in with their opinions. This webpage isn't just for bitching about all the women who have dumped me either, its for me to bitch about anything I want, thank you. I would also like to thank you for the comment "dimwitted ex boyfriend." Nice to know that is actually how you feel. Just because you go to a very good college, and are going to an even better graduate school does not mean shit. That doesn't mean you are better, or worse than anyone. I would also like to know where you come off saying that I have the intelligence of a McDonalds fry cook. You can be the most intelligent person in the world, but if you don't have any common sense and all book smarts you wont get far. If I did have the intelligence of a McDonalds fry cook, I doubt I would be a Network Engineer. I also doubt that if I did have the intelligence of a McDonalds fry cook, I wouldn't be a 21 year male who makes more money per year than most people twice my age. If you think that me having this webpage, or dating me is pathetic that's fine. It just really gets to me that you can act one way to my face, and then turn around and write shit like that. Why can't people just be honest, all the time? Crystal, in your eyes I may be pathetic but in many other eyes you are just as pathetic as me. One of the only things you have going for you is that you are smart, and you go to a good school. I would say that you also have an awesome personality, fun to hang out with, cool as shit, just the perfect woman. If I was to say those things now, it would be a lie. Just how you put up a front and lied to me. Its all good though.

Its almost been a month... wow. You would think that in a month something big would happen or change. Not really... everything has been kind of coasting a long with no real change. Its actually kind of nice, although I still feel like I am missing something. I just need to take my time to find myself I guess. What I really need to find is my own house. There is this neighborhood near where I live that has small 2-3 bedroom homes for around 400 a month. Something like that would be perfect for me! Small enough for just me to live in, yet big enough to invite people over and such. I am going to start working all I can to save money for a deposit and other things I man need (like bills and shit). Once I get my own place, life will be much improved. Not that I don't like staying with my parents, but there is just something about having your OWN place. Its yours, and you can do what ever the fuck you feel like doing. If you don't want someone over, you can kick them out. If you want someone to stay over, they can. If you just want to sit at home and chill to get away from everyone that is cool too. I have been thinking about how I can decorate a crib. I will need at least a two bedroom, because I am going to have a smoke room. Maybe it should be called a party room, because I'm going to have all knids of cool shit in it. I'm going to have a mini-fridge in it with all kinds of shit in it. I'm also going to have a nice size futon too. That way it can be used as a spare bedroom too. It will be tight. I think before the years end, I'll be in my own place. Next week, I need to make a huge payment on my truck - 989 dollars. Thats because when I was out of work, I couldn't really pay anything on it. When I had the money I would send it in, but it would be like 300-400 dollars. I just wanted to send *something* in. Well, the reason this payment is so big is because of that. They just put what ever I haven't paid in the last 5 months onto this payment. After I pay it, I will be completely caught up. Then the only things I will need to pay is credit cards, and what I can do there is pay the late fees, and pay down the credit cards down to where they are supposed to be and then start paying a little bit every month. I think I am going to work this saturday overtime. That would give me like 160 extra dollars on my next check, which I will totally need paying out a grand to my truck. But, once I pay it out and get them off my back it will be nice. I mean, it sucks to be broke but if you don't have people down your neck wanting payments and shit, thats always nice. So, I am going to be kinda broke for a few weeks but fuck it. I just need to do, get it over with, and not worry. As long as I have enough money for gas, and bud to last until I get paid I'll be fine. I don't really go out much, and I have everything I need at home. Last night, I did go out though. My friend Jon and I went to this one girls house who lives about 20-30 minutes away. Well she gave us directions, and I don't know if she gave us bad directions, or because we smoked a few blunts on the way out there but we got hella lost! She had to come and get us, it was kinda funny but embarising at the same time. Oh well, I don't know if I should try to call her tonight or not. Maybe I will... who knows.