Ok, its been a little bit sence I wrote. Not much has changed, I'm still a worthless son. At least I feel that way. God, I feel sooo horrible right now. I really want to just leave work and go spend some time with my Mom. I haven't really spent any time with her lately, because I have been out partying too much. That was just my way to deal with whats going on, and its not the right way at all. I think a big thing is Jon.... I shouldn't hang around that guy so much. The last three, or four nights I have been getting drunk with him. God, I wasn't like this last year. I am going to get my shit together, from this day forward. Also tonight I'm going to hang out and chill with my Mom. I would like to take her out to a movie or something. Hopefully she will feel ok later this evening. I just hate it that I get off at 8pm. That really sucks. I wish I got off work earlier, that way I could go home and hang out with my Mom. Maybe go up to my grandparents with her. I haven't seen my Grandparents in a few weeks. I honestly feel shitty right now. This is a "self pitty" thing either. Last night I prayed that I could be forgiven for how I have been acting lately. I hope that I am, because I feel like start over again. I know how cheese that sounds, but that is what I'm feeling. Its like, I really gotta get my shit together... and if I don't I'm going to be lost forever. All I have to do is be a man, and spend time with my Mom. I don't want to lose her, I know its going to happen. I love her though.