I don't know how long it has been since I have wrote in here. Doesn't seem like much has changed recently... I just feel like I am missing something. Like there is something out there for me, but I don't know what it is or how to get it...

My mom is doing a lot better. Its really good to see her doing good, but the chemo is really hard on her. She only has good days every once and a while. Today was a good day. Just makes me sad as hell, like really sad. There are some times I think that... well if there is a god it must be a cock sucking bastard. Lately, I have been empathizing with other people - like on TV, or just other peoples problems. There is a lot of fucked up shit that goes on to people all around us.

I have so much going around and around in my head right now... i just can't seem to find a way to write it out... errrr!!!!

I don't know what I am going to do. I got paid thursday, which was a grand then I gave my mom 600 for a test, which left about 400. I got a letter from ford saying that if they don't get 900 something on monday, they will reposess my truck. I swear to god, I hate money. I just wish I could get a break every once and a while. I have no idea as to how I'm going to come up with 500 dollars in two days. I don't have anything to sell, or take back. I do have a PS2, but my mom got me that for christmas, and I would hate to get ride of it. I swear, life sucks so fucking bad sometimes. So now this is another thing I am stressing over... but hey at least I know that is one thing I'm good at. I just do not know of any way I can come up with that money. I don't know anyone I can borrow it from, nothing to sell, nothing at all. Oh well, I'll just have to sit and think of something. I know I'll be able to figure something out. I know what my problem is, I can't save any money. No matter how hard I try... something always comes up. My dad needs money, I need to pay the bills this month, that month, my dad does something stupid again, he needs more money, my mom's stupid ass jewish insurance needs money, the shitty fucking hospital needs money. Then sometimes, every once in a while I splurge and spend money. Then I feel guitly as fuck, because I realize late that I could have used that money for something, instead of blowing it. But its all good, life is meant to be a bitch and you can't change the hand your delt right?